ElMonterey XX Large Bean & Cheese Burrito

I just picked up an ElMonterey XX Large Bean & Cheese Burrito. I paid $1.99 at a Plaid Pantry, which seemed like a good deal. Turns out, it wasn't.

To the left, you'll see the burrito, straight out of the package. Cold, stiff, and kinda crumbly in the tortilla department, we're certainly not off to a good start. I put it in the microwave for a couple minutes to see if that improves anything.

I've worn Converse All-stars, or similar knockoffs ever since I was a kid. I also walk about five miles a day. According to my doctor, these that isn't a good idea. So, I recently went to buy new shoes at a nearby store. I can't tell you how hard it is to find a decent pair of walking shoes that don't make you look like an asshole. Everything there was covered in weird bits of plastic and leather, making the shoes look like the future in the 1930s. They even have special cord/ratchet assemblies to replace standard laces. What the Hell is wrong with laces? Who can't be bothered to tie their shoes?

Now that it's been heated, the burrito is falling apart a bit more, and looks even grosser than before. This doesn't look too promising.



Opening it up, things aren't looking too delicious. The beans have this weird, grainy, pastiness to them, and I don't see any cheese at all. This thing tastes awful. The tortilla is stretchy and the beans are disgusting. I am beginning to regret this purchase.

I don't think it's really ever appropriate to be proud of one's ethnic background. You should really only be proud of things you've accomplished, not circumstances into which you were born. That being said, what's with the Irish? I can't think of a group of people who historically have been prouder, complained more, and accomplished less than the Irish. Sure, they gave us Van Morrison, but they also gave us U2. Just for comparison, I've pulled up the Wikipedia category pages for "X Inventors", where X is the name of a country.
Irish Inventors = 17 Pages
Italian Inventors = 28 Pages
Chinese Inventors = 25 Pages
Jewish Inventors = 151 Pages
English Inventors = 286 Pages
German Inventors = 170 Pages
Now, to be fair, I have nothing against the Irish. In fact, I am a little bit Irish. I just don't see what the big deal is about.


Upon closer inspection, the "& Cheese" is nothing but a myth. I've looked deep into this vile wad, and there's not a bit of cheese to be found. Gauging by the quality of the beans, this may be a good thing. I have actually stopped eating the burrito. I can skip lunch today, if this is what I'm faced with.

On my way to work today, I was listening to the American Conservative University Podcast. This is not something I would recommend. There's a show they often feature on there, hosted by a guy named Michael Medved. He begins and ends every episode with "Another great day in this greatest nation on God's Green Earth", and I'm not so sure this makes sense. Isn't most of the earth blue? Something like 75% is water, and not even all the land is green. A pretty huge amount of it is brown. Why don't we say "God's Blue Earth" or God's Brown Earth?"

Alright, so I just tore this bitch open to see if it's bad all the way through. It kinda looks like a filthy diaper. I have completely lost my appetite. Do not buy this burrito, ever. I don't care how hungry you are, you don't want this. It tastes even worse than it looks, which is already pretty bad. I'm not sure what else to say about it. It's just plain bad. This is a terrible burrito.

I was checking my facebook earlier, and I saw that a girl I went to highschool with had announced she was pregnant. She did this by posting a couple images of at-home pregnancy tests which came up positive. It just seems weird to me that she's posting pictures of something she just peed on. It would be weird if I started putting up pictures of things I've peed on, but I guess this is different.

Ugh, seriously. Look at that mess. That's not food. That's not even dog food. It's food for really bad dogs, who deserve to be punished. Like if they mauled a little kid or something. Even then, I'm not sure it's fair.