Don Miguel Grandito Bean and Cheese

Ross and I had been drinking, and we were hungry. The nearest food was Circle K, so there wasn't a lot to pick from, and this is what I ended up with. I paid $1.79 for it, and at first, it seemed like an alright deal. As you can see from the picture, I pulled it out of the package before reading that I was supposed to leave it in. I kinda shimmied it back into the plastic and put it in the microwave.

Ross is a friend of mine from highschool. He looks like Neo. Like, a lot like Neo. He doesn't dress like Neo, because that would make him a douchebag. Sometimes I call him Rostritch, or Roswell, New Mexico. His older sister is really, incredibly hot. Ross does not like corn.

Once the burrito is out of the wrapping, it looks alright. It's not all soggy or anything, but it doesn't look amazing, either. I had to let it cool a little bit, as I'm kind of a pussy. The beans have a "spicy" red sauce on them that isn't horrible at first. That's kind of a theme for this burrito; it starts out mediocre, and ends up awful. The tortilla seems pretty decent at first, not too soggy, not too dry. I haven't found any cheese yet, but maybe it's deeper inside there, right?

Ross and I had a math class together once. Our teacher sounded remarkably like Sgt. Joe Friday, and we would constantly beg him to say "Just the facts, Ma'am" for us. Not once would he do it, no matter how many times we asked. He offered to do it once if we could both go an entire week without missing an assignment, which we should have already been doing, but we totally failed at that. Then, just to rub it in, he said "Just the facts, Ma'am" on a day both Ross and I were gone, to the rest of the class. None of whom cared to hear it in the first place.

Upon further inspection, this tortilla is really gross. Look at how it's kinda tainted by the insides, and turning translucent. This thing really sneaks up on you. It starts out okay, and then shit just starts going wrong. The beans just start tasting weirder and weirder. I don't think this is at all worth the $1.79. The longer you taste it, the grosser it gets. It works with a picture, too. Take a good, long look at these pictures. The longer you take it in, the closer to smelling it, and tasting it you'll get. I'm sorry.

Ross is fun to throw bottlecaps at. I'm not sure why. Throwing a bottlecap at someone is an odd gamble. On the one hand, if you hit them, it's pretty satisfying. Especially if the cap bounces off at a high angle and kinda spins around in the air a bit after it hits. But on the other hand, if you miss, you're just some asshole who can't even throw a bottle cap.

Annoyed with the lack of cheese, I tore it open to see if there was any at all. Nope. I don't know if there's some kind of cheese I'm not aware of, that I just don't see. I looked for it, a lot, and I found nothing. And seriously, look at how gross this shit is. I know my presentation of it here isn't super flattering, but I can only do so much. I really have nothing more to say about this thing. I didn't finish eating it, and I don't suggest you start.

Taco Del Mar... something or other burrito... I lost the receipt.

So, it was really hot, and I had been walking all day. I'm guessing it fell out of the pocket of my overshirt when I took it off, but I have no real way of knowing. What matters here, is that however it happened, I lost the receipt. So, I have no idea what it's called, but I got some kind of combo, with a burrito, a soda, and chips for seven dollars and some cents. I don't remember how many. Professional.

It's a mission style burrito, so the tortilla (in this case, a pretty good spinach tortilla) is steamed on that press-thing they use. I had lettuce, tomatoes, rice, beans, guacamole, and some grilled peppers and onions on it, and I was very pleased. The vegetables were all fresh, though there was a bit more lettuce than I'd like. Much like unmelted cheese, excessive lettuce is becoming an epidemic.

I've been hearing more and more about this 2012 business all the time. I don't see how an ancient calendar ending is such a huge deal. We only make our calendars a year or so in advance, so I'd just assume the Myans got to around 2012 and figured they could take a break for a few thousand years. And really, if you honestly believe the world is gonna end in three years, why do you go to work? I would plot out a three year plan to not work at all and accumulate as much debt as possible, all from the top of a giant pile of drugs and hookers. Why not? The world is ending, might as well get the most out of it.

Included in the meal is a decent heap of chips. They're nothing special, but they get the job done. The salsa is in the same boat; it's not outstanding, but it doesn't suck. I guess I'd be happier about the chips if I didn't have to pay extra for them. At other places, I've gotten better chips and salsa just for showing up. Again, they aren't bad, just not worth extra money.

I was listening to Bill O'Reilly today. I think he spends twice as much time talking about how awesome his coverage is than he does actually covering shit. I understand that he thinks the mainstream media is too liberal... I'm not even gonna disagree. I just don't think it's fair to call what he's doing objective. He often refers to the people who agree with him as "Clear-Thinking Americans", and those who disagree as "looneys". That's not objective. I'm not saying he has to be objective, at all. You can have a conservative news station, that's totally alright. Just don't lie to me and tell me it's Fair and Balanced.

The guts of this burrito are fairly solid. There's a good mix of everything in it, and the vegetables are grilled well. For the price, it's a decent deal. Not amazing, by any means, but decent. This is and odd burrito for sure. I worry that my review makes it seem medicore, or maybe on the good side of mediocrity. That's not really fair. It's really on the mediocre side of goodness. The foil wrapped around it serves to hold the whole thing together, and does a fantastic job of doing so. This needed to be stated somewhere in the review, so I put it here.

I like finding small things of value to me that I've misplaced and forgotten. For example; money, pocket knives, pot, fancy pens, and special rocks. It's like stealing from your past self.

There's so little more I can really say about this burrito. It's not great, it's not terrible. If you're at a Taco Del Mar, and you don't know what to order, you could order this. At least, you could if I hadn't lost the reciept.

Breakfast Burrito my little brother made a few minutes ago

So, my little brother Ivan made some breakfast burritos, and I figured I might as well review that shit. It's a flour tortilla, wrapped around eggs, potatoes, cheese, and salsa. Not a lot to it, but really damn good. Also, free, which is awesome. The location is superb, as it happens to be several feet from the couch I slept on last night. Can't really get more convenient than that.

Ivan, while the youngest, has been the biggest for quite a while. Once, my sister called him a baby, and he broke her nose with a plastic watergun. Another time, I pissed him off somehow (I don't recall what I did or said, but it was probably meant to piss him off) and he stabbed me in the shoulder with a corn-on-the-cob holder. He once mistook a big pile of dirt for the Matterhorn.

The burrito really is fantastic. The potatoes (Thinly sliced Baby Reds) are perfect. The eggs are scrambled-ish. This is really Ivan's specialty. As a kid, it was pretty much the only thing he knew how to make on his own, so he ate scrambled eggs all the damn time. It was pretty much scambled eggs or tuna sandwiches, for years. This burrito is a nice change of pace. The cheese is melty as Hell, which is great, because I've been noticing a bit of an epidemic of unmleted cheese in Mexican food lately. Something should be done about this.

Ivan got a facebook account last night. He was quite resistant to the idea before, but our sister made one for him, and he's been taking little tests all morning. He seriously just said "Oh Hell yeah, I'm Hitler!" after taking some test. I didn't ask which test it was.

I'm really impressed by the breakfast burrito. There's so little involved, but it's tasty as Hell. I threw a little La Victoria green hot sauce in that bitch, and made it even better. Now that I'm done eating, I think a little fresh pepper would've been nice. perhaps next time.

Muchas Gracias Veggie Burrito.

I'm visiting friends down in Eugene, and got to wandering the other night. Fortunately, I found a Muchas Gracias. I'm not sure if every Muchas Gracias is open 24 hours, but every one I've been to is. It was pretty late, and rather hazy, but I asked for a veggie burrito. According to the receipt, I got a Bean burrito with extra lettuce and extra salsa. I don't care what it was called, it was delicious.
White the presentation is a bit lacking, the food itself is awesome. It's big enough for the $4.60 price, and it's crazy filling.
It's full of rice, beans, lettuce, tomatoes, onions, cheese, and salsa, with pretty good ratios. A bit heavy on the lettuce, but not unforgivable.


My brother and I watched a marathon of deadliest Warrior yesterday. I had never seen it before. Basically, they have two warriors from bits of history, and argue about who would win in a fight. They do tests, then run some computer simulation that's supposed to figure it out. Every episode was a bigger let down then the last. They spent the whole time testing weapons and armour and shit, then they finish it with a really lame dramatization of what would happen. The weapon tests are the best part of the show, because the use those fancy ballistic gel torsos with fake bones in them. They also use dead pigs. Like a lot of dead pigs. I probably saw dead ten pigs get cut in half yesterday. That's just cut in half.... there were even more just getting cut up a bunch. They even tested a katana by seeing how many dead pigs it could chop through.... they just had a big stack of dead pigs for the guy to chop into. I think he got through like two and a half of them, which was impressive, but gross.

The lettuce is crisp, the tomatoes are fresh, as are the onions. The rice is pretty good, and goes well with the beans. There's guacamole which tastes pretty fresh, and the salsa is great. The tortilla has a slight flakiness to it. The restaurant has a lot of hipsters in it. Like a LOT, and I was there at 2:30 in the morning. This is probably just because I'm in Eugene. They don't give you any chips, but I got a cup of water, which was pretty good.


My brother is watching the wide receiver for the Denver Broncos respond to accusations that he's been beating his wife or girlfriend or something. I love watching athletes speak publicly, because it's so clear that's not what they get paid to do. The pause between a question and an answer is gigantic, and the answer is always so clumsy. Now he's just staring down at his notes. This guy is good.

This is a tricky burrito to review. There's nothing in it that's particularly outstanding, it's just all around really good. It's like a meal just conveniently wrapped up, as a little food unit. I guess any burrito could be described that way, but it feels more appropriate here. It's a solid, reliable burrito. I guess potatoes might be nice in there.

ElMonterey XX Large Bean & Cheese Burrito

I just picked up an ElMonterey XX Large Bean & Cheese Burrito. I paid $1.99 at a Plaid Pantry, which seemed like a good deal. Turns out, it wasn't.

To the left, you'll see the burrito, straight out of the package. Cold, stiff, and kinda crumbly in the tortilla department, we're certainly not off to a good start. I put it in the microwave for a couple minutes to see if that improves anything.

I've worn Converse All-stars, or similar knockoffs ever since I was a kid. I also walk about five miles a day. According to my doctor, these that isn't a good idea. So, I recently went to buy new shoes at a nearby store. I can't tell you how hard it is to find a decent pair of walking shoes that don't make you look like an asshole. Everything there was covered in weird bits of plastic and leather, making the shoes look like the future in the 1930s. They even have special cord/ratchet assemblies to replace standard laces. What the Hell is wrong with laces? Who can't be bothered to tie their shoes?

Now that it's been heated, the burrito is falling apart a bit more, and looks even grosser than before. This doesn't look too promising.



Opening it up, things aren't looking too delicious. The beans have this weird, grainy, pastiness to them, and I don't see any cheese at all. This thing tastes awful. The tortilla is stretchy and the beans are disgusting. I am beginning to regret this purchase.

I don't think it's really ever appropriate to be proud of one's ethnic background. You should really only be proud of things you've accomplished, not circumstances into which you were born. That being said, what's with the Irish? I can't think of a group of people who historically have been prouder, complained more, and accomplished less than the Irish. Sure, they gave us Van Morrison, but they also gave us U2. Just for comparison, I've pulled up the Wikipedia category pages for "X Inventors", where X is the name of a country.
Irish Inventors = 17 Pages
Italian Inventors = 28 Pages
Chinese Inventors = 25 Pages
Jewish Inventors = 151 Pages
English Inventors = 286 Pages
German Inventors = 170 Pages
Now, to be fair, I have nothing against the Irish. In fact, I am a little bit Irish. I just don't see what the big deal is about.


Upon closer inspection, the "& Cheese" is nothing but a myth. I've looked deep into this vile wad, and there's not a bit of cheese to be found. Gauging by the quality of the beans, this may be a good thing. I have actually stopped eating the burrito. I can skip lunch today, if this is what I'm faced with.

On my way to work today, I was listening to the American Conservative University Podcast. This is not something I would recommend. There's a show they often feature on there, hosted by a guy named Michael Medved. He begins and ends every episode with "Another great day in this greatest nation on God's Green Earth", and I'm not so sure this makes sense. Isn't most of the earth blue? Something like 75% is water, and not even all the land is green. A pretty huge amount of it is brown. Why don't we say "God's Blue Earth" or God's Brown Earth?"

Alright, so I just tore this bitch open to see if it's bad all the way through. It kinda looks like a filthy diaper. I have completely lost my appetite. Do not buy this burrito, ever. I don't care how hungry you are, you don't want this. It tastes even worse than it looks, which is already pretty bad. I'm not sure what else to say about it. It's just plain bad. This is a terrible burrito.

I was checking my facebook earlier, and I saw that a girl I went to highschool with had announced she was pregnant. She did this by posting a couple images of at-home pregnancy tests which came up positive. It just seems weird to me that she's posting pictures of something she just peed on. It would be weird if I started putting up pictures of things I've peed on, but I guess this is different.

Ugh, seriously. Look at that mess. That's not food. That's not even dog food. It's food for really bad dogs, who deserve to be punished. Like if they mauled a little kid or something. Even then, I'm not sure it's fair.

Pepino's Mexican Grill

I was on one of the trucks for work the other day, and stopped at Pepino's Mexican Grill for lunch. Located at 3832 SE Hawthorne Blvd in Portland, Oregon, Pepino's is a quick enough, reasonably priced burrito place that's definitely worth trying.
I tried the Fajita Burrito, which contains grilled onions, red and green peppers, pinto beans, rice, Jack cheese, salsa, and guacamole. At $4.25, it's totally worth it.

While on the way to Pepino's, I saw a poster on a utility pole that mentioned Noah. I don't remember what it said, but it got me thinking about that really famous Noah. You know, the Ark Noah. Before the flood, there would be all these different bodies of water; Lakes, rivers, ponds, oceans, seas, and so on. These different bodies of water all had different PH levels, different salt content, etc., and had different types of fish living in them. If the whole world flooded, all these bodies of water would mix together. I don't know if you'd get one big mass of fresh water, or salt water, or maybe really dilluted salt water. Any way I look at it, I see conditions that are gonna be lethal to half of the fish in the world. Any way you arrange it, either nearly every freshwater fish is gonna die, or nearly every saltwater fish will. It has been suggested to me that God just doesn't care about fish.

The Fajita Burrito comes in a red tomato tortilla, and wrapped in foil. The vegetables are well grilled, not slimy and gross, but not raw, either. The guacamole tastes fresh, and not out of a tube or bag. Tube and bag Guacamole are fucking gross, by the way. That shit needs to be made fresh, dammit. While I normally prefer black beans, the pinto beans were fantastic. While not a terribly spicy burrito, the hot sauce as salsas there did a more than sufficient job.

Today, the two-year-old granddaughter of one of my coworkers is in the office. She's running around, generally being a two-year old. There's parts of parenting I know I'm gonna be terrible at. I know you're not supposed to laugh when a kid misbehaves, because that reinforces what ever bad behavior is going on, but sometimes, I can't help it. I have a cousin who used to have trouble with the word "Frog", so it would sound like "Fuck". I can't tell you how many times we asked that kid to say "Motherfrogger."

Pepino's gives you a pretty decent handful of chips with your meal, though they aren't unlimited. However, they give you enough that it doesn't really matter. Maybe if you like chips more than I do, it would be an issue, I don't know. Not too greasy, and certainly very fresh, the chips are great.


I really need to stop writing these reviews while I'm hungry. It's a bad habit. I end up staring at the pictures I took, wishing a burrito would just materialize before me. So far, it hasn't happened.

Easter happened yesterday. I've always thought it should be a bigger deal. I don't see why Christmas is the huge holiday it is, while Easter gets kinda brushed under the rug. Sure, Christmas is Jesus' birthday, but every asshole has a birthday. Jesus is the only guy with a Rose-from-the-dead-three-days-after-getting-the-shit-murdered-out-of-him Day. That seems like a way bigger deal to me



As you can see here, the burrito is packed with grilled fajita goodness. Aside from being a pretty big burrito, it's a pretty awesome burrito. We've stumbled upon both quality and quantity here. Between the reasonable price, the quick service, and the overall scrumptiousness, I'd say Pepino's is a must.

Burrito Review! Baja Fresh black bean and cheese burrito with rice and beans!

That's right! Content! Finally! Baja Fresh black bean and cheese burrito with guacamole and rice!

This sizable foodwrap cost me $3.95, with fifty cents for guacamole and rice. The burrito is pretty large, and the outer layer of the tortilla flakes off deliciously. Inside, the beans and rice are fantastic together. The guacamole was good, but not amazing.

I'm actually writing this a few days after I ate the burrito. Looking now at my notes, and the pictures I took, I find myself wishing for that burrito again. I am so hungry right now. Yesterday, and the day before, all I ate was a potato, fried up with half an onion and half a bell pepper. It was tasty as hell, yeah, but one meal a day is rough. Today, I had a donut. A good donut, but hardly enough food for a day. Now I feel guilty about some little Ugandan kid, starving to death while I feel kinda hungry for a couple days. I can just see him looking at me, over his big, distended belly, shaming me with his eyes.

I was listening to a audiobook of The Secret recently, and I'm a little confused. If I get this correctly, if you want something bad enough, you'll get it. So, I'm hungry now, and I really want some food. Problem is, I don't have any money. I'm in no danger of starving, of course. I'll get paid in a couple days, and have all the food I want. So, apparently, I want food enough that eventually, the universe gives it to me. So what about the little starving kid in Uganda? You know, the adorable one, with the distended belly? Is the problem that he doesn't want food enough? I can't imagine he doesn't want food more than the fat little doucheling throwing a fit in McDonalds because he got the wrong toy in his Happy Meal. Also, what happens if I want something that you also want? Does it turn into some kind of Want-Off?

The burrito comes with fantastic tortilla chips, which are unlimited if you eat at the resturaunt. Unlimited free chips is always a huge plus, especially when they aren't shitty. These chips are in no way shitty, rest assured. The selection of salsas is varied enough that anyone should be able to find something they like.
I'm particularly fond of the green one, which I didn't take a closeup of, but you can totally see in the picture at the top. It's the little cup that has salsa in it. Green salsa.

There was a bit in the middle where the cheese wasn't really melted. This was kinda lame, but not bad-tasting. The burrito also had a bit of an issue with ingredient segregation. Everything seemed kinda separate. Occasionally, you'd get a bite with just beans, or just rice.


I heard Ann Coulter on some podcast today. I'm not sure why she gets all the credit she does. Is it because she's hot? She looks too sticky, to me. Not sticky like an adhesive, but like a stick. I heard her actually use "Oh, I'm sorry, I wasn't listening" (followed by that cuntface laugh) as a reply, and everyone acted like that wasn't bullshit. That's not a real counter-argument at all. It's not even clever.


As for my overall impression of the burrito, I'd say "Fuck yes."
The price was fair, the burrito was big and delicious, the chips were awesome and plentiful. I suggest you try this burrito right now. Or next time you're at Baja Fresh. That would be way more practical.

Zombie Propaganda.

Burrito Enthusiast

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